I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
