I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
