Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
FUCK WHALES
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
