Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
