I think my vagina is haunted
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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