My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
