I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
In America we eat man semen.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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