Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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