I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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