I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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