he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
