..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
