I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
