Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
