before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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