awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize