"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
