i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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