We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
