so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
