i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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