so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We need a shit load of segways right now
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
