apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
