sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I want her autograph on my taint
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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