hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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