I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
