He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
