she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
