i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
