Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
