I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
smell my finger.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
