On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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