how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
