The beer is more important than you right now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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