Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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