I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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