you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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