i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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