im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
