Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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