Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
