im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
