He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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