I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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