Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
