Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
