Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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