you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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