Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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