I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
