I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
