His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
