my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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